Miami Musings

The more things change

2008-07-25T23:05:00.002-05:00

I have not done a blog post for more than a year, and I am amazed that my life appears to be on loop.

I have moved cross country again.
I am now in a position where when a hurricane hits I still leave the office (but now have to go to a command center),
I have bought a new place (and am already thinking about how much money I will make when I sell it),
I am still on the do not call list with the former most amazing bf (who I still attempt to email in vain)
I am still in collaboration with the great contributors of the blog that never got to be what it could be: Kordor
I am back to a diet of shots and fried food
I am still trying to recover from the South Beach Diet (while consuming shots and fried food)

What has changed and what I am excited about is that many of my friends have grown into my lifestyle. For so long some of my best friends were so stuck where they were that they considered my movements reckless while still dreaming of leaving themselves. Now one is married in Scandinavia, another is Sleepless in Seattle, another realizing new opportunities in Rio and many others are on professional journeys that have taken them just as far in life. Am I the same person in a different world? Have I grown and matured? Or have I actually grown into a life that I was leading for so long?

I am sitting here in a hotel room in transition for what is easily the 20th time in 15 years. I am not tired, I am not bored, but at the same time the thrill of the move and the opportunity seems to be a lot more bold on paper and during the interview than in real life. To top it all off I manage a verbose, intelligent, easily distracted 25 year old whose personality is a spitting image of mine at the same age.

With this new move I have the potential to improve the lives of so many and to transform communities in a way that will impact them in the future almost as long they have existed, but I myself have not reached the moment where I truly realized the breadth and impact of my professional charge. As the character Brick said in one of my most favorite movies of all time "I'm waiting for that click in my head." Click? Clique? Tick? Hmmmmmmm

I hope to keep up the blog a bit more in the future. It is good to read how the more things change, the more they change to a better sameness.

When did I turn into a size ......

2007-07-31T01:01:00.001-05:00

I'm gonna say size 6 in relation to that but I had the opportunity to see a recent pic and I realize the South Beach Diet is a farce. My true diet consisted of shots and friend chicken for a significant portion of my time there. I went from a size 2 to a 4 (you gotta keep it even!!!!). Here on the West Coast I still see myself as a blond beauty, but a nice and dear new friend of mine took of picture of me and I feel like the damn Sperm Whale from Reno 911.

Right now I'm spinning. As I close my eyes I see myself turning from Jenifer Hudson to Beyonce. And I am telling you I am a DREAMGIRL!!!!!

* Dear lord if you ever see me on F-A-T Chance please kill me.

Miami Eats Numero Dos: The Blue Door Cobb Salad

2007-07-23T21:20:00.000-05:00

FLASHBACK

Life doesn't get any better than sitting on the patio of the Blue Door Restaurant enjoying one of the worlds best Cobb Salads. I don't if it is sitting at the perfect table (of which all the tables are perfect), peering into the wonderland that is the Delano back lawn, having the South Beach ocean breeze waft the grey smoke from your Marlboro Light into infinity, or being surrounded by all the gaudy fabulousness that only comes from nouveau riche tourists and "businessmen" with expense accounts, but things are good.

Like all men about to begin a journey into a great abyss, in my case a 5 day journey into the bowels of middle America, I felt the need to have a last meal. The Cobb Salad was what I chose. What it exactly fed (my growing self awareness that I was leaving, my established and growing sense of self grandeur that came from living for 3 years in Miami, or my empty stomach) I'm not sure but it hit the spot.

The bacon was smoky, the shrimp pink, the avocado smooth, the lettuce and tomatoes crisp, it was more than a meal, it was like my life in South Beach beautiful arranged on a plate. I felt as if I was in the protagonist in Like Water for Chocolate, ingesting my memories, my emotions. It was at the very same table that I had my first meal after breaking up with most amazing bf, met the cute waiter that gave me my very first Christmas sex (and it was a gift that kept on giving, or coming? or both?), met the up and coming maitre d' with the perfect shoes, and spent the friend's birthday that I still don't completely remember.

I was at the place that when I first arrived, made me realize that I had moved somewhere that was bigger than me, that would cause me to realize and express a happiness that I now so easily feign when being photographed. In other words it was bliss.

Starting Over (or Again?)

2007-07-20T22:39:00.000-05:00

While I have not been in Miami for more than a year it continues to inform my life and my on going experiences. People still call me to reminisce about the great times we had at the Delano, or the recipe for the best shots ever from the bartender at my old haunt Twist. The crazy thing is that while all of us have moved on (including myself as noted in my second to last post over a year ago) those memories evoke a sense of euphoria and nostalgia that very few places can. Seeing the supportive and informative comments of my compadre Miamista also have stirred my juices to blog once again. And so with that I promise to you and myself to remember where I became a grown up (in South Beach) and share with you my journey in becoming an adult and to share, to the best of my abilities, my musing on life and love .

Sincerely and with respect and adoration,

Sr. Miami Muse

Shelly Winters and Beer

2006-04-15T12:36:00.000-05:00

This the beginning a of ongoing series of my final meals in Miami. This will be ongoing (promise)

Zeke's

Zeke's is the best thing to happen to Lincoln Road and I a so happy that I discovered it before I left. Run by amazing woman that looks like a sexy Shelly Winters from Florianoplis Brazil, Zeke's sells over 80 beers for the low low price of $3. This place is no frills but full of fun.

2006-03-27T16:56:00.000-06:00

What a long time it has been since I last posted on my 5-star blog. I want to thank the one and only Miamista for the public shaming that is the impetus for me remusing on Miami. The problem is that I have left the sands of Miami Beach, driven through the mountains and prairies and to the Pacific Ocean (which, surprisingly, is white with foam). So now I am forced to ask the question, Can I still have Miami Musings when I no longer live in Miami?

If anything I think that I have enough material for a good amount of entries on living in South Beach and working in Overtown. In some ways I am freer to blog on certain topics since I am no longer bound by employment and proximity. Since my last post a lot has happened besides the move:

I have been put on the do not reply list by the man formerly known as most amazing bf

I declared my love for a 22 year old Puerto Rican on the first date, only to be left hanging on Thanksgiving

I hung out with the ex and the wife at a reunion dinner

I had a great experience regarding, tequila, Jim Beam, an SUV, erratic driving, the Fort Worth Police Department, a rich bi-curious Chicano, and his bi-racial friend whose dad is now dating his best friend and roommate’s mother

I listened to six Books on Tape

I had the unsurprising revelation that two of visitors had slept together after meeting me, but before realizing they were both going to stay with me

I got a $25,000 raise

I lost 10 pounds

I actually got good service at a non-Ian Schraeger owned establishment in the Miami metro area

I am sure that there are many more experiences, and I can’t wait to share them with you!!

LET THE POSTING RESUME!!

2005-12-29T09:35:00.000-06:00

Its been a long time since a put up a post. Things have been so crazy and harried to compose a coherent and interesting message. Interestingly most of my life has not been taking place in Miami. Plus life in Miami is the on cruise control; going well and with the flow.

While not a local I have acheived the status of a regular. I have seen this when visiting friends in other hip cities. The regular knows the bartender, can get you into a good restaurant and has a posse that in a very nice cross section of city that you are in. While right now I am posse less, I still fit in the category.

The major update to the life has been the demise of the one interesting relationship with the man formerly known as the amazing bf. As always break-ups are more dramatic than the relationship and in this case that is saying a lot considering he lived in NYC and I in Miami. The break-up even led to a spin off blog that included a beautiful sonnet to a love lost. Add to that some champagne, strawberries and flowers and you have the makings of a reconciliation, but unfortunately something was missing. It seems that French are not keen on saying sorry for calling their bfs whores, but are willing to "show" their sorriness by spending money or coincidently running into you and a friend at restaraunt 1,500 miles from where they live.

Anyways enough about the ghost of relationships past. It is time to look at my present and the to the future. Big things, Big Miami things are in store for the Muse in '06. I cant wait to share them.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

2005-10-06T08:43:00.000-05:00

So last weekend I went home to enjoying turning 30 with the people that made it all happen. I knew that it was going to be a great weekend when I got on the flight from Miami and was sitting in front of a drunk retard that kept asking how much a taxi was to Powell Street and then apologizing. He had about 7 double scotches over the four hour and forty five minute flight.

I order the DaVinci Code and finished the piece of sh*t on the plane. The book was such trash. On my flight to La Isla Encata 2 weeks ago I read Angels and Demons. It was 7.5 million times better.

Upon landing the nice Filipino Hertz agent hooked me up with a major upgrade from a Suzuki Aero to a Nissan Murano. Life was going well.

Upon arriving home I saw that my parents have taken full advantage of having 3 grown children to turn our nice home in a subdivision in to the middle class palace they have alway dreamt of. The hda new carpets, new computer, new bed, new tv and have painted the whole place. I never really lived there, but it was like I really never lived there. I spent the whole night watching Sex and the City season 2, pondering life with the bf, pondering life at 30, and all that good stuff.

On the big day my parents and I went to Chez Panisse and had a nice time trying to figure out what a Nettle Pizzetta. It was good and for the record it is a small pizza with grilled nettle blossoms on it. My dad complained that the chicken wasnt; white meat and that we had spent $5 for a bottle of water. My mother learned that good wine is not always pink.

Over the next days I had a chance to see and talk to new and old friends. The love of my life from HS hung out with me and my baby sister in the Castro. I had a chance to see both of my college roommates. The man that loved me so bad decided that it was ok to only send me a text message for my bday. Oh, an official retarded man sat on behind me on the plane ride back.

Overall I am so happy to be thirty. I cant wait til next year.

Mess of the day

2005-10-04T15:24:00.000-05:00

What a mess

2005-09-29T14:26:00.000-05:00

Been a long time

2005-09-27T08:49:00.000-05:00

Well this weekend I was in New York seeing the BF and meeting his friends. As usual it was tons of fun, drinking, smoking, chicken wings. We spent half the time discussing the politics of class and the obligation of the state and the other quoting Ali G. I have been out of it a bit though. The move really got to me and I have been traveling a lot as you guys know.

I apologize for not having 30 days of reflection on being 30. It worked when I turned 25 but wasn't as successful on this go round. I have learned that many of my friends are feeling overwhelming angst about being underemployed, not happy at their jobs and just wondering if there is more out there? I am almost part of the club, but at the same refused to give up the perpetual optimism I face. I also have not been going out as much in Miami as I used too. I promise a full recount of the extravaganza that is my 30th bday. I'm in SF this weekend but when I get watch out Magic City!

THE WINDS OF CHANGE

2005-09-19T09:19:00.000-05:00

I have survived one of the craziest weeks ever:

I SOLD MY PLACE
Selling the place was the easy part. Moving was horrible. I want to thank my friends Carlos and Michael for everything that they did. There was a point where I didn’t where to begin or end and how I was going to do it alone. With their help I didn’t have too. Although it is funny that is times of personal significance (moving, birthday parties, etc.) you find out who are really there for you. There have been times when I have put people up for weeks on end, woke up with a hang over at 7 am to help move, and countless other things. Then they day you need them they are not there. I was/am pissed, but with less than 15 days til I turn the big 30 I am channeling Mimi and Shaking it Off

I HAVE SPOKEN TO MY BF FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR FOR THE PAST 4 DAYS
My most amazing bf is in the NYC help to promote the policies of a his home country. This weekend for him has been a flurry of meetings and dinners and events. I think he is doing well, but he is working hard and I miss him :(

I WENT TO PUERTO RICO
The day after the move I jetted off to sunny PR for a couple of days of R&R. It was soo perfect. We (friends from pre-Miami) had great food at the place called Tantra in Old San Juan and we laid on the beach wonder where the sky ended and the ocean began. My friend Eric forgot to sunscreen his feet and they were a blistered mess by the end of the day. It was a quick trip, I drank too much, but it was what everyone needed.

A HURRICANE IS COMING
Rita is on her way. Miami Beach is under a voluntary evacuation order and I think that they are going to let me out at noon. I think Rita is coming at the right time. I have to check my hurricane supplies.

The Last 2 days

2005-09-13T10:19:00.000-05:00

For the last 2 days I have actually ben getting work done. It has been a great experience. I have not been hanging out in Miami since I have had the flu, been hungover, and out of the city for the past week. Today in addition to getting work done at work and I am getting work done in the place that is mine until 11:15 am on Thursday. Today I begin moving out all my stuff. This is like my 3 move in 2.5 years in Miami and probably the 18th in my adult life.

I am so tired of moving, but I dont know where I want to stay. Maybe I should work on that.

Question

2005-09-08T15:07:00.000-05:00

What does a Black gay man that went to one of the best public universities in the country for undergrad, the best university in the country for grad school and who has worked for mayors of 2 of the largest cities in the United States have to do to get a job? I got this in my email

Thanks very much for your application to [Urban Non-profit] regarding the ED position.Unfortunately, your skills do not match our needs at this time. After a lengthy search process we have selected another candidate for the Executive Director's position. Thanks again for taking the time to share your resume with us.

Cheers,
Director

When I went to their website and read their mission was to provide pro-bono planning and urban design services to communities of color in Oakland, CA, I figured I may be a shoo in for the job. I have pretty good credentials and I am a person of color that grew up by Oakland and was willing to take a decent pay cut. Of course when I clicked staff there were no people of color on the staff (a sad but true reality in tha area of community development) but a bigger bonus (i thought) for me. What is a boy to to do? I have an idea but I just not ready to share it yet.

I still have the flu, I am still bored at work, but the time has come for me to close on the house. By this time next week I will have the most money I have ever had in my whole life. Godd Bless America.

FLU SUCKS

2005-09-07T08:37:00.000-05:00

I had a great long weekend, but now I have the flu. Promise to share more later.

30 DAYS BEFORE 30

2005-08-31T13:58:00.000-05:00

One the last day of next month I turn the Big 3-0 . Instead of doing all the crazy Vegas, South Beach drunk debauchery I have decided to fly back to the City by the Bay to take my Mom and Dad out to dinner at one of the best restaurants in the country. I mean I live in South Beach and go out every night. Why make such a special day like any other. I dont think that my parents and I have had dinner alone with each other since 1979. I am sure that it will be treat.

I am also beginning my 30 days before 30 campaign where I am going to spend the next month appreciating something about my life. I'll be sure to share as many of with you as possible.

APPRECIATION DAY 1

I am appreciative of the internet. Today I donated to the Wikimedia Foundation, because I think that Wikipedia is the best thing to ever happen to civilization. I am not sure that I have the knowledge base or desire to contribute an article so I figure dropping them 20 bucks to keep things up and running is the next best thing. I think it is so odd that they are based in Northern Florida. Nothern Florida is Mississippi, meets Alabama with some extra white trash thrown in. (Although the bridge across Tampa Bay is a sight to be seen). But housing is cheap and they have really good supermarkets.

I am also appreciative for the internet because without it I would sit in my office and twiddle my thumbs. Today I found out that one of my fav porn stars has a real Friendster profile. I sent him note telling him to keep up the good work. I emailed friends in Lousiana to make sure they were ok (my friends in Lafayette are fine, my friends in New Orleans are safe but they are sure that their houses are undwater). I paid a bill without using a stamp. I got a rejection for a job in NYC via email. The internet is great. Did you know that is was created at the best school in the world?

I was going somewhere with this.... I lost my way. I'm gonna go check my email

UPDATE: Apparently I am not the only one in love with Wikis. CNN reports that Wikipedia has become the most popular reference site on the web.

Bienvenido a Miami, Bienvenue vers Miami

2005-08-30T11:45:00.000-05:00

Sunday I was chilling by the pool at the Flamingo with some up and coming real estate lawyers talking about the state of Miami nightlife. One nice young man from Kentucky proclaimed " I am am going to start my own club, and all those stuck up, beautiful people are not going to be allowed to come in!" His idea was quickly shot down. After all what is South Beach without beautiful stuck up people?

I dont know if i have shared this but the most amazing BF is from the land of wine and foie gras and smelly cheese. In hanging out with him for the past couple of months I have learned that almost all the South Beach hot spots are owned by the French. One club has business card entrance policy, where a group of men are required to produce their business cards and have them evaluated for entrance. The night I went with bf and friends I had on pants too tight to hold a card. Never fear. Something was uttered in French a hug was exchanged and I was ushered in. When I ask when he said to the bouncer, he said "I told him that you were on the Miami City Commission." I guess the bouncers would believe anything as long as it began with a Cest va.

I told this story by the pool and one lawyer replied:

Welcome to Miami where you need to know Spanish to get a job and French to get a drink

The Bf on Blogs

2005-08-30T07:37:00.000-05:00

Just saw the Cindy Shehan ad for the fist time. Very deep and moving, extremely powerful and dangerous for the White House (which, btw, has hired its own "Iraqi mother") It show she has excellent spin doctors behind her, and the Moveon.org money. It's a case of symbiosis/parasiting, like the sea anemone and the clown-fish, we don't know anymore who's using who. But that works.

The hardest, for us in the business of understanding the news, is to be able to determine whether we are watching a defining moment that is going to go to History schoolbooks (like the Vietnam bodybags, or the video confession of Clinton).

The answer is: don't bother to ask, defining moments wont be necessary as there won't be history books in a near future. Our education will not so much depend on acquiring a set of common reference (reading books) as to acquire the ability to create, each of us, a personal functional pattern to use in the best of our respective needs the trillions of information pieces circulating around us (the famous 6th dimension we still don't know exists). That's why blogs are a big thing now. When you read or write a blog, you are making your own sense, and notions like striving for accuracy or sharing the same referencial background are not so vital anymore. The very notion of information accuracy is not so much important. Why does it have to be accurate when it is not meant to become common and universal reference ? See Wikipedia. Securing information accuracy is not the most important thing anymore, compared to having people "wiki" their way through the 6th dimension.

So Cindy Shehan is the first global blogger that is actually not using of a computer, but 24H cable news.

(Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your kind attention.)

I Will Survive

2005-08-29T13:28:00.000-05:00

I know that everyone's attention is on Katrina Part Deux, but there was a category one hurricane of the same name that made landfall on Thursday night in Miami. I am happy to say that I survived it intact. I had a couple of friends that lost power/internet, but all was good in the House of Muse. I didnt even get a chance to eat my hurricane food that I spent $70 on.

HURRICANE WATCH

2005-08-25T08:55:00.000-05:00

Tropical Storm Katrina is on her way. All the kids got to stay home from school, but all the adults got to go to work and bitch about not getting to stay home. I keep on getting emails from the Emergency Operations about covering my computer in plastic. I went to the store yesterday and spent $70.00 on hurricane preparedness.

Highlghts include:

Parmalat Milk (that is European Milk in a Box)
WATER
The ingredients for PB&J
Pepsi
Candles
Baby Wipes (to maintain freshness)

I still can't believe that it cost me $70.00!! I am orginally from the best state on earth and got into a discussion about in line about hurricanes vs. earthquakes. I think that I always win these arguments when I go "At least you get a days notice!"

I was here last year when we were evacuated for a week. It seemed as if Miami have a plastic bubble around it protecting it from the storm. I decided to evacuate and ended up watching 7 DVDs in a row, chain smoking, drinking rum and cokes, and eating dried apricots. There were 7 of us (mostly strangers) in the house. No one showered and everyone was constipated, so you can imagine the smell. When Lord of the Rings was put in the DVD player I was gone.

When I got home my place was a hot wet mess. Turns out it had survived the storm but not the dumb pretty boy who left his sink on upstairs.

Hopefully I'll be safe. I'll let you guys know.

2005-08-23T11:05:00.000-05:00

For some reason today people have been posting stories that have really hit home for me. If you get a chance check out the today's Proceed at Your Own Risk and Shades of Gray, about gay Latino men that they have loved or encountered in their lives. I was going to line out Latino out of political - correctness but there is something unique and universal about the relationship. When I or my friends talk about them they become volcanoes spewing out fiery and passion filled stories about catching them cheat, or lying or talking about their beauty or how they are in bed.

Although lately there has been a level of resignation and sadness in many of their stories. "Oh yeah he got married and invited everyone to the wedding but me" was one I heard from an ex last weekend in NYC. I swallowed my wine and nodded since the same thing happened to me last year. My ex decided after the fact to send me pictures, and for some odd reason I insisted on trying to send a wedding present. After all I knew his wife from college.

There was a point where I resigned myself to sharing him and she resigned herself to not asking any questions. After about a year, he and I were no more (his doing) and she and he remained part-time (his doing as well). I visited them once when they had just got engaged and she and I had a chance to talk. We had the same look in our eyes, the same tone in our voices, and out of our engagement came a level of respect. We both understood "it". In a moment of silence between her and me over a Miller on the patio he became scared. I knew he was and she did too. What he was scared of I am not completely sure, and his reason for being scared was baseless. No matter what thoughts were being exchanged neither one of us was going anywhere.

My sister and I had a chance to see him one day about 4 months after wedding. She asked "So how is being married?" He replied "Everyday I wake up and think about the challenge that I am facing being a married man." She and I were taken aback. I secretly smiled thinking that the challenge was that he still loved me. But then I was sad. I was sad for myself still hoping to revisit a relationship and realize a dream based on naiveté and narcissism. I was sad for his wife, entering a union that was based on this same dream. But I was also sad for him. He was stuck in a challenge.

I must admit that I lack the literary sophistication or the time (I actually am still bored at work, but for the first time in a long while have work to do) or the energy to accurately and full articulate all that was my relationship with him or any of the other Latino men I have dated. I think that the Queen of Soul sang it best in her song I Never Loved a Man the Way that I Love You.

You're a no good heart breaker
You're a liar and you're a cheat
And I don't know whyI let you do these things to me
My friends keep telling me
That you ain't no good
But oh, they don't know
That I'd leave you if I could

I guess I'm uptight
And I'm stuck like glue
Cause I ain't neverI ain't never, I ain't never, no, no (loved a man)
(The way that I, I love you)

Some time ago I thought
You had run out of fools
But I was so wrong
You got one that you'll never lose
The way you treat me is a shame
How could ya hurt me so bad
Baby, you know that I'm the best thing
That you ever had

Kiss me once again
Don'cha never, never say that we we're through
Cause I ain't never
Never, Never, no, no (loved a man)
(The way that I, I love you)

I can't sleep at night
And I can't even fight
I guess I'll never be free
Since you got, your hooks, in me

Whoa, oh, oh
Yeah! Yeah!
I ain't never loved a man
I ain't never loved a man, baby
Ain't never had a man hurt me so bad

FAMILY CHRONICLES: CHANSON D'AMOUR [Procees at Your Own Risk]
Enrique [Shades of Gray]

Putting a Birthday on the Record

2005-08-18T12:08:00.000-05:00

Monday (8/15) was Most Amazing BF's Birthday. I had the honor, pleasure and privilege of celebrating it with him in New York City.

I think he has one of the coolest birthdays. He shares it with:

Napoleon Bonaparte,
Ben Affleck,
Julia Child, and
Trent of Pink is the New Blog Most Amazing BF, Erik

And it is also India's Independence Day, Egypt's Flooding of the Nile Day, and Catholic's Feast of the Virgin Day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY

Back on the Saddle*

2005-08-18T12:05:00.000-05:00

It has been about a week since my last post. I wanted to share something last Friday but I was prepping for a trip to NYC, buying tickets to exotic locations, trying to look busy and having one of the worst HANGOVERS ever.

On Thursday, my play date and I decided to venture off to Twist for the 2 4 1 thursday special. Of course in an effort to save money I downed a six pack of the Champagne of Beers. The rest becomes a blur. The place was uncharacteristically empty, so me and PD just sat around. 6 shots and 6 rum and cokes later I was trying out for the other LOGO series So Drunk You Take a Taxi Even Though You Live 6 Blocks from Twist. I drunk dialed my most amazing bf after realizing I left my keys somewhere else. He is so sweet. He stayed up til I got to my place. Of course I remembered that 3 days later.

So this weekend is supposed to be detox. Please pray for my liver.

* I highly recommend you renting/purchasing what is soon to be an adult film classic. Back in the Saddle was Michael Lucas' first independent production and is one of the hottest XXX flicks I have seen in my young life

Tipping the South Beach Way

2005-08-11T12:25:00.000-05:00

Today there was an oped in the NY Times about a restaurant ending tipping and replacing it with a service charge. For those of you that have never been to South Beach, this has been the practice for a number of years.

The story I hear about how it can to be was a a waiter at the now closed Thai Toni's added the service charge to a table of a Black couple. When the couple asked if this was standard practice the waiter replied "Well I added it because Black people don't tip." While it is known in the serving world that Black people can be at time less than giving when it comes to tipping, everyone knows it should be never articulated. Europeans and other foreign nationals are also known not to tip, but the article points out that in most cases that is because they assume a service charge has been included. Well lets just say that waiter's response set off a chain of events that ended with the Rev. Jesse Jackson riding down on his high horse and the NAACP declaring a boycott for Black tourists and conventions in Miami Beach. When the chamber of commerce convened to confront the issue they decided lets just add the service charge to everyone.

I have found that servers in South Beach are no different than the secretaries, not the most motivated bunch of people. And they have even less incentive to do there job if they know the tip is already included. I once went to a place where the service was so bad that we actually lined out the charge. Of course the waiter gave us a dirty look and it was still charged to our credit cards when we got home.

Sometimes people double tip because the restaurants are sneaky enough to include an 'additional tip' line about the total. A word to newcomers. If you live here add a little extra something it will always come back to you in the form of faster service and smile.

UPDATE: I knew that Waiter Rant would have something to say about the op-ed

Tipped Off [NYT via Downtown Lad]

Apparently I am not the only one....

2005-08-10T18:32:00.000-05:00

I was sitting at my desk bored, talking to my ex-bf about how bored we both were when he came across an article in today's Washington Post about being bored at work. I used to live/work/be bored at work in DC. There were days I just sat on Hot or Not from 9 - 5 with a 2 hour lunch in between. He and I went to the movies (among other things) on many an occasion.

If you are not to busy check out the article.

Boredom Numbs the Work World [WP]

Real Estate is the Way

2005-08-10T16:15:00.000-05:00

I started this blog almost two weeks ago with a post about selling my condo. Well it listed on Friday and is under contract as of yesterday!!!! I found a buyer in 3 friggin days! My job is to help others make money off of real estate. It feels good to be on the other side.

Real estate is king. Especially in Miami. I met a guy that is fluent in 4 languages, has two masters and had decided to postpone a Ph.D. to become a realtor. As a matter of fact I think that everyone I know is a part time realtor, mortgage broker or title agent. I have no idea what any of these people do, but that 6% broker fee is cutting into my profits.

I was listening to NPR yesterday about the withdrawal of settlers from Gaza. While the Palestinians they interviewed were happy to see Israelis off 'their' land they were more happy that some bitchin' beach properties ripe for development opened up . One man was quoted as saying "Why should I take 200 dinars for this land? I know my place is sooo worth at least 1000." Now I don't know how much a dinar is worth, but I know 1000 is more than 200.

At 70 cents to the dollar, looks like unspoiled beach in the Gaza Strip is the way to go. I wonder how hard the Palestinian real estate exam is.

RIP - QAF

2005-08-09T12:44:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to do a quick post on the ending of the Queer as Folk, which I had to chance to see Sunday night. The best thing about the end of QAF was that the super funny and scandalous show Weeds came on after it.

I have never been a big fan of the show. It seemed to me to be about whole bunch of whiney, midwest (is Pittsburgh considered the midwest), gay white big fish in a very small pond. I don’t know what it is about small cities that make divas out of some of the most pedestrian vanilla people like Brian Kinney. I will admit that large cities make divas out of the grotesque and obnoxious. As a young up and coming homosexual at the best school in the world I stood in awe of Mr. Bobby Trendy. With his glitter lip gloss, club kid shoes and entourage I would scream to my friend over the thumpa-thumpa at the club "Bobby Trendy is so cool." Getting the chance to sit next to him at gay pizza after a long night out at Axis' 18 and over night was a highlight of my sophomore year. Brian Kinney and Bobby Trendy, same script, different cast? How random.

One of the main reasons why I never liked the show was that in all of its 5 seasons they had 8 Black people appear on the show. Of that 8, 6 only had one line which was all in the same vein: you’re fucking hot Brian (Brian kicked him out of the elevator before they boned cuz he was having one of his moments of self-loathing), or you want a hit of this (from the dinner/tina party that Emmett threw for Ted). The one Black guy that got to speak for a whole episode was half of that suburban couple that hired Emmett to be their houseboy and then both boned him. What a mess!

I actually had the chance to visit Pittsburgh and it was just tragic as the show. I happened to be there the night Ms Shirley Q. Liquor was performing. The last thing I expected to see, even in Pittsburgh, was a fat white man in black face and drag talking about her 19 Chilllren. I think I could have liked it more but the crowd was absent of any irony, which actually got me scared. At least the Yuenglings were $1.

I think I am coming off as an angry African American which is far from what I am. But I must admit that my white friends are the most fab in the world, just like all my friends. We can go out get wasted on martinis, discuss world politics, give a review of the last porn movie we saw, lament and praise that fact that were almost 30, and cruise and comment on every man in the bar. Why can't art reflect reality?

2005-08-05T18:14:00.000-05:00

My Fabulously excellent bf just sent me this email

CNN is on 24/7 in my office (with Amelie frowning on the cover of Timemag, now on the wall) and I am mesmerized by the new commercial on therobot-maid, some sort of ball with batteries rolling in your house andpushing a disposable wipe. The world is safe if, in the middle of theglobal war on terror and AIDS epidemics and Hong-kong chicken flucrossing the species boundary, there are still men, somewhere, inventing robot-maids.

The Reality on Reality

2005-08-05T16:45:00.000-05:00

I just read in Reality Blurred that MTV is going to produce a new Laguna Beach type reality tv show called 8th and Ocean that will follow fashion models working in Miami Beach.

I think that it is funny to call the show 8th and Ocean because all residents of South Beach know that that intersection is one of the last places to find models of any kind. 8th and Ocean is actually the heart of South Beach's daytime tourist scene home to Ben and Jerry's, News Cafe (the place where Gianni Versace picked up his last paper before he was murdered), and WET WILLIES home of the most potent frozen beverages around .

While you are sure not to see aspiring models you are sure to find:

Hoochies momma's in sheer sarongs sporting tattoos on their titties, Payless Shoe Source high heels, and cellulite
Hyperactive hordes of 20 something b-boys from Atlanta or a New York borough sporting gold teeth, sandals with socks, a video camera, and the weakest pickup lines imaginable
Hyperactive hordes of 20 something b-boys from Atlanta or a New York borough on rented scooters weaving in and out of traffic
Hyperactive hordes of 20 something b-boys from Atlanta or a New York borough in rented luxury cars stuck in traffic behind another horde of 20 something b-boys from Atlanta or a New York borough in rented luxury cars stuck in traffic
Hyperactive hordes of 40 something conventioneers from Oklahoma City happy that the wife and kids are at home
The occasional German family just lost in the mix

Aside from Big Brother 2's Hardy

(who is a manager at Sky Bar) and Making the Band 2's Chopper

I haven’t seen a lot of reality tv stars out here. I hear there is a new show on A&E called Miami Ink, but when a tourist asked a local where to find it he replied "That show is a f*cking joke"

I have seen a couple of stars on the beach: Mike Tyson, Tyra Banks, X-hibit, Pharell, but being from LA originally the first thing you learn is not to be a star f*cker. Plus if you are a local or out with your lazy secretary with the 32 DD taa taas you are sure to end up in VIP right next to them. If you know how to successfully pimp out that secretary you can guarantee yourself access to their bottle.

I think that the gay channel LOGO should do a series called 12th Street Beach. 12th Street beach is the gay section of sand where you are sure to find some of the hottest men in existence. The best thing about them is you are sure to have seen them in a sling getting fisting, getting an enema, or gang banging some poor young twink since many of them are porn 'stars.' My first time at the beach my friend introduced me to an Adonis that I later realized was the object of my desire for years. When I shook his hand I thought "gee he looks familiar." Then I realized he was in a magazine that I had been jerking off to since I was 18. It may have been Honcho or the Undergear catalog, no matter, but I can truly say it was one of the best moments of my life.

One of my very best life moments could have taken place on another possible reality show for LOGO called Walking Home from Twist at 4 o'clock in the Morning. Shirtless men walking their dogs, men riding their bikes nowhere and the resident tranvestite crack whore giving head in alley screams high drama and a ratings success. In a time long before I met the fabulously amazing bf, I offered a lost biker rider I met walking home from Twist a drink of water at my house. Halfway through us drinking water I thought "gee he looks familiar." When he left, with his souvenir cup, I realized that he was the coverboy to one of my fav Kristen Bjorn DVDs. I don't know what network the show Drunk Dialing Your Friends to Tell Them You Boned a Kristen Bjorn Pornstar should be on.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

2005-08-04T14:40:00.000-05:00

I once had a boyfriend that looks like Enrique Iglesias. He even has the mole! He is now married to a very nice woman (dont ask, maybe I will tell later). Today he turns 28.

Happy Birthday Sweetie

First Day of School

2005-08-04T14:05:00.000-05:00

Today I found out that kids in Miami start school on this upcoming Monday. Remember when school started the day after labor day? The reason for such an early start is to make sure kids have time to prep for the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test. The results of the test determine the ability of students to advance or graduate. The grade the schools receive based on the cumulative average of student scores can affect community perception and a teacher’s or principal’s livelihood.

I remember when tests weren't such a big deal, personally or at a policy level. I don’t know if I was fortunate enough to be a good test taker or am the genius that mom and dad and the great State of California declared me to be at the age of 9, but the test was never particularly challenging. Whereas, today the test is used to test minimum proficiency, when I was a kid it was to identify the "exceptional" and the "special" kids. At that time there wasn’t much difference. Both the exceptional and special had separate reading groups and got to get out of class for workshops. The difference was that the workshop for the exceptionals involved computer games and reading books meant for 7th graders and the special kids... well I don't know what they did, maybe it involved flash cards.

After taking the test in the 5th grade all the exceptional kids were put in the same class. It is funny how that test set up the rest of my life. I was officially on track and everyone knew it. I didn't grow up in a particular affluent area and I am pretty sure that the junior high school and high schools I attended would probably fare a "C-" on the Florida scale, but that didn’t matter. The expectation of the exceptional guided the classes we took, the projects we undertook the resources allocated to our well being. One my very best friends and I had the exact same classes from 5th grade until we graduated high school with the exception of him taking french and I taking spanish class.

I recently friendstered the exceptionals and found that almost everyone had gone to a elite university, had an advanced degree, was fairly high career wise, and was not married. We were all yuppies. The one's I was able to connect with seem fairly happy. We are all approaching or have reach thirty and had no idea what was beyond that.

We all started school the tuesday after Labor Day and turned out pretty ok, but maybe that was because we were exceptional.

School on Aug. 8? Are they insane? [Miami Herald]

2005-08-03T14:15:00.000-05:00

Today the Miami Herald extolled the virtues of Miami culture and identity:

Paris had the last tango.
Venice had death.
Miami?
We had Vice. And it's back.

Thats right you guys 'Vice Sheik' is all the rage in Miami. The funny thing is that most locals had no idea.

''If you go to [South] Beach, and any of the clubs, you still see guys wearing sport jackets and T-shirts underneath,'' said Dee Miller, who did some casting for the TV series and now owns The Casting Directors Inc., in Miami.

What Ms. Miller fails to share with you its that those guys are all overweight nerds in for a boat convention from Oklahoma City. They travel in packs practicing their lamest pick up lines at the 'in' hotel bar, are the only people buying cigars from the poor Portenas on Ocean Drive, huffing and sweating on everyone in their path.

Occasionally the closeted homosexual will break from the pack and wind up in the back bar at Twist*.

There he:

Manhandles every go-go boy
Gets obscenely drunk
Manhandles anything that looks under 25
Gets belligerently drunk
Falls off the bar stool
Is escorted out by security

Did I mention that he never remembers to take off his name tag?

'Vice' Grip [Miami Herald]

* Please note that Twist's website in no way does it justice. Or maybe I am seeing some of these people in the light for the first time

2005-08-03T12:40:00.000-05:00

I was just standing outside my building having a cigarette. I saw the UPS man with a bunch of packages outside the the office next door. They first thing I thought was "is there anything for me?" He stood out front for easily 10 minutes ringing the doorbell. Then I realized that the poor people in that office had a lazy secretary. I could just see her painting her toenails, shopping online for furniture at Pier1.com, and complaining on the phone with her friend about how no one will answer the door to let the UPS man in.

Bored at Work - How NOT to Pass the Time

2005-08-02T18:51:00.000-05:00

Today I had a craving for a turkey burger and schlept over to Secret Sandwich in the Design District to get what was named the Best Turkey Burger in the metro area, by the Miami New Times. The people there are super cool, but they take forever (I think this a mixture of them actually being busy and the syndrome I talked about earlier).

My fav lunch is turkey burger, salt vinegar chips and a cream soda, which I spread out on my cluttered desk. As I savored the seasoned turkey, dijonaise and sweet onion brioche bun, I went to my bloglines list to check updates on my favorite blogs. For the most part they are pretty tame (news, gay republicans, white boys in Weho, gossip), but today there was a link to the BEST SITE EVER. A blog that told the story lines of half my favorite internet porn pages, WITH PICTURES.

A great turkey burger and a website of hot, hard naked guys that I can access without my company's adult protection software being triggered put me in a state that I have not been in for a very long time; sporting major wood and drooling uncontrolably behind my desk at work. What a great way to pass the time.

What was not so great was my secretary barging into my office to beg for salt/vinegar chips. Of course the site wouldn't minimize and niether would the tent in my pants. After something about roasted chicken flavored potato chips (ewwww) I verbally shooed her from my office.

When I went to maximize the page it wasnt the same. From now on I need to remember to close the door.

A Happy Happy Hour

2005-08-02T15:35:00.000-05:00

One of my most fave happy hour haunts is Laundry Bar. One block behind bustling Lincoln Road, you and a friend can share a couple of smokes and 2 4 1 drinks til 9 pm. I have had many adventures at that place

FLASHBACK

I picked up two married women and my front tooth fell out when I was talking to them
I fought off hoards of gay men that were hitting on my straight boyfriend because he was wearing a fabulous Prada suit
I had the best date ever with a guy who I knew had a bf
I watched the begining of the Iraq War Pt 2
And of course.... I continue to find a way to blow 50 bucks even though it was 2 4 1 and I am only buying drinks for myself

Oh yeah and you can wash your clothes there too.

One reason (maybe two) why I hate Miami

2005-08-02T12:06:00.000-05:00

I am sure that some of you have visited this fine metro area to find sun, sex, and libations and gotten so drunk on the three that you have little regard to issues like service, or a timely response to any request.

But as a "local" I quickly realized that Miami is full of the some of the laziest people in the in the United States and that everyone is too lazy to check people on their laziesness.

I cant believe how lazy you are observation #1:
When I first arrived in Miami my then-secretary decided that she didnt want to answer any phone calls that came into the main number. She also decided that she would do minimum filing and copying, would not run errands and was adamant about not answering the door. She did somehow find the energy to complain to my boss that I had called her a secretary. After one wiggle of her 32 DD boobies my boss sent out a office wide email requiring us to refer to her as the Communications Officer. I think every young newly arrived professional has learned the power of the lazy assistant's perky taa taas.

I cant believe how lazy you are observation #2:
My most excellent bf wanted to suprise me with three bottles of champagnes to celebrate Bastille Day. He had them Fed Exed with a specific request that they be hand delivered. I didnt get them on Bastille Day, even though the computer said they were delivered. When I called Fed Ex the agent told me "oh yeah the driver notes that you had right on the address on the package, but he delivered your package with a batch of others to the office next door. They refused it and it was sent to the Downtown office."

THE FED EX DRIVER WAS TOO LAZY TO DELIVER AN OVERNIGHT PACKAGE TO THE CORRECT ADDRESS

General Observations:

People in Miami are too lazy to use their blinkers when turning or switching lanes

The developers of the new Performing Arts Center were too lazy to request that the architect include parking in its design. Of course they did not catch this for at least year, maybe the people reading the plans were too lazy to check

Last week I was at a ribbon cutting where there was a mime that was too lazy to mime

And while I hate to say it.... there are times that people in Miami are too lazy to speak English. Ask anyone that has flown into Miami International Airport and asked for directions knows about this one.

One reason why I love Miami

2005-08-01T19:00:00.000-05:00

Today, in addition to being bored at work (I feel that may be an ongoing theme), I am in the final stages of getting my condo "showroom ready". After only nine months I have decided to put it on the market. It is quite a nice place (650 sq ft, washer/dryer, dishwasher, 5 block from the beach) and I was torn about my decision.

I am not afraid of any bubble, and try not to believe the real estate hype too much. But sometimes life is a bitch, and things happen that limit your ability to live, work, and play as you like. Unfortunately, in my case an unforseen change in work has began to limit my ability to live and play. Believe or not South Beach is a pretty cheap place to rent a decent apartment, so I am not worried about finding an affordable rental alternative. It's one of those real estate conundrums of being a renters and sellers market that can only exist in a land of pure and unadulterated specualtion.

When I called my realtor about putting on the market he said flatly "I can put it in the system tomorrow, you'll have a solid bid in 3 days and can close in 3 weeks tops." When I asked how much could get he said the going rate was 66% more than what I paid only 9 months ago!!

After a coat of paint and some dustbustering I am ready to roll. I am beginning to plan that dream vacation. Where do you go on vacation when you already live major tourist destination?

2005-08-01T15:07:00.000-05:00

I am sitting in my office bored at work reading blogs, and finally feel motivated to quit reading and try my hand at writing.

I live in the Bangkok of the United States, South Beach, and work in the poorest city in the United States, Miami. While only seperated by a 10 minute drive, they are worlds apart.

Hopefully I'll find fun ways to articulate life in the place of fun and sun and share something about myself in the process